"So Call Me Maybe"

Whoopsie Daisy! I have not written for about a month and for that I sincerely apologize, I know you've all clearly been walking around in a haze.  Confused as to where to turn for weird stories and random life anecdotes.  I obviously I have my shit together with quitting my job and all.  Well, I am pleased to let you all know (that is all 4 of you) that my resignation has taken effect and I am now one of those people that hogs tables at starbucks or caribou to apply for jobs and blog for an application break.  I may not have a job but things aren't looking super bleak, just a little undefined.  As you know, I had my first audition for conservatory and by this time some know that I did not get in.  Rejection always sucks but, they personally called me and gave me critiques for my next audition which I, as a girl that reads into everything, am taking as a great sign. Another reason life is looking up is that I had a great 23rd birthday a week ago with my sister, Brent, and Kelsey and I am also just fresh off a long weekend visit from my awesome dad Len. I also am looking forward to my late May auditions in LA and NYC that will hopefully give me some more direction.  For now though, I am content monopolizing coffee shop outlets and wifi.

I may have to move back to Minnesota if I don't find a job soon but that isn't all that bad.  I mean rent would be about half of what it is right now, drinks would be a lot cheaper, food would be even cheaper, there would be at least 4 Targets within a 5 block radius and I would be able to get a dog!

As for the application process, I feel a little like Carly Rae Jepsen in her super annoying yet catchy song that I have been known to sing-along to on the weekends.  I mean as I sit here and apply for every job under the sun I can't help but think about this song.  Although I am not giving my application to some cute guy that I creepily watch from a far who turns out to share a common-interest with me, men (yes, I have watched the video) I still feel a little weird applying for all these positions.  Think about, the only thing they see is a page-long cover letter and a resume that are supposed to market you as the best asset to their company. Every activity I've been involved in and every job I've held is some how molded and slightly exaggerated to show that I am the best person to work for them.  My life accomplishments are summarized in two pages that are printed on fancy paper or pasted into the body of an email and at the top  my number.  Hey, I just saw your job posting and this is crazy but here is my resume so call me maybe.  I may be making a stretch with the parallels but it feels like that.  I remember as a graduating senior feeling the same way.  How can I actually portray to them that I am an excellent candidate short of using annoying gimmicks?  Job hunting is like dating, you have to put yourself out there and initially highlight your best assets whether it be your ass or your stellar ability to communicate, organize, and create.  And similar to dating, you might go on 15 interviews but only find a handful that fit what you want or what they want.  So, I guess as much as it sometimes stinks I will keep applying and keep handing my resume and cover letter to HR strangers in the hopes that they will just call me, maybe.

I hope life is going well for everyone and I will be posting sooner rather than later

Until Next Time

Amy

"Let Me See That Thong"

This is week is a Minnesota sandwich week having just returned from a visit this morning for work and returning again this weekend for a concert. I can not tell you how much I love being home. Not only do I get to see my family and friends but my mom buys me shoes and dresses and I get free food. This weekend was especially awesome because I got to share some great news! I know I tweeted about it but trying to express what exactly is happening in 140 characters is a little tricky and although I love twitter I also feel ridiculous with all of my tweet bombs. Anyways here goes, I have been asked to audition for a improv troupe. I will be flying to LA and then potentially off to New York to meet with the two directors, go over some pieces, perform a little and possibly meet some of the other people auditioning. The troupe (which I can't name on here) is looking to start a group in Chicago. If I were to get this then I would not have to work because it would be a full-time job and I would maybe have the opportunity to tour around the nation. Basically it is a pretty sweet deal and I am obviously very excited. I know it is a long shot but it is worth it. I really only have until November to gauge whether or not this comedy thing is happening so I hope it all works out! This gig would also be golden because this is the only troupe that the players write AND perform everything. Typically improv groups have writers that write everything and some that perform as well but the two occupations are usually separate. Anyways, I would love to write and have been working on a screen play and many sketches so to be a part of this particular group who has launched many careers would be amaze-balls! Yep, I did just say amaze-balls, sorry that I am not sorry.

Alright back to a real story now that is out of the way how about a little re-telling that my mom particularly enjoyed this weekend that relates back to that early millienium Sisqo song (whatever happened to him?) Anyways I really feel like all the ladies will relate to me on this one. Have you ever noticed that your most embarrassing moments happen when there is an extremely good looking person present? I have. I've fallen down the stairs at a party only to land at the feet of my biggest crush, I have accidentally choked on sushi in front of a visiting performer at school, I recently fell of the bus when I missed the curb and the next GQ model was right behind me. But, out all of these finer moments, there is one that consistently happens and it always occurs in the laundry room. The little secrets that Victoria tries to keep have a funny way of causing that blotchy, red look of embarrassment anytime I do laundry in the presence of a hunk.

It all started in what I like to call, the "one-butt laundry room". Although charming, the laundry room of my building is tiny it has a walk way to the washers that can comfortably fit half of a person and a wall of dryers that leaves a corridor with enough room for a toddler. This particular evening I had decided to do some laundry (my name is Amy and I love stating the obvious). Thinking the coast was clear I thought I will do that awkward load of delicates. I had successfully loaded them into the washer without any issues but the trouble came when I switched them to the dryer. Of course, the most handsome man was doing his laundry at the same exact time. I walked down in my standard yoga gear to make the switch and right as I am carrying over the delicates to place in the dryer, hot guy decides to talk to me. It might have been his dreamy-ocean eyes or the fact that he was talking to me but I completely lost my composure. I missed the hole (that's what he said) of the dryer and Victoria's secret was all over and obviously dreamboat chose to put his items in the dryer right below mine because that is the clear choice when 6 other dryers are open. This man must thrive on awkward situations. Not only did he find out that "I Love Pink" (I will never understand this, it says "I Love Pink" on every color, if I were color blind I would be so confused) but that I also enjoy neon colors and I tend to stay away from granny panties. This guy saw literally all of my undergarments, I apologize for TMI. What made it even more awkward is that one of my finer pieces landed on his back as well as he tried to help me pick them up. I know that is a gentlemanly move but it is my underwear! Needless to say I was making quite the impression and Amy's secret was out.

I got back to my apartment and tried to laugh it off (yep, I was that girl laughing to myself...by myself in my apartment) but I was legitimately bright red. Not only did he see all of my underwear it happened while I was straight-up sporting a bun on my head, a neon sport bra and cut off combo and yoga-capris with wait for it, Minnetonka Mocassins. Basically I looked similar to an extra on "Saved By the Bell". I composed myself in the 50 minutes I had before the load was done and made my return to the laundry room and was greeted once again by the incredible hunk. He struck up another conversation about the bright colors he noticed I liked as well as just general questions about my life, he was actually pretty nice but I was still soooooo embarrassed. After unloading and heading back upstairs I thought the embarrassment was over...is it ever? Nope. As I was folding my clean clothing and sorting everything I heard a knock on my door. Who was it? Hottie McSexy pants whose name is James and what was he holding? One of my precious pairs of panties (I hate that word). Yep, James had realized that during the initial drop, one of my barely-there undies had fallen into his dryer. What a nice surprise for him when he realized the Twins themed, rhinestoned, "Hit a Home run!" piece did in fact not belong to him. My face was burning up and besides profusely thanking him I did not know what else to say. He was very nice about the whole thing and i know some of you are probably thinking that this is no big deal but to me it was. He smiled handed me the thong and said, "Twins fan huh?" to which I obviously responded "Go Twins! I have to support my MN covertly while living here". He chuckled a little then headed back to his place. I once again was mortified. This meant he had to ask the doorman who I was and get directed to my apartment which meant my doorman now knew a little too much.

The story does not stop there. As I was returning from work the following day I ran into James. He smiled and told me that I clean up well (what does that even mean?) He then actually asked me if I wanted to grab some frozen yogurt. This may seem odd but there is the best frozen yogurt a block away and it is Chicago famous ha so I accepted and frozen yogurt led to a happy hour drink or two. Turns out he is nice and notified me that he felt bad if I was flustered by the incident as well as he wanted to assure me that he didn't ask me out because he had seen my panties. He asked me to dinner and although he is ridiculously good looking I politely declined. I mean what is the policy on dating someone that lives in your building? Also, he knows too much. Besides, I may seem superficial but it is not only about the good looks for me!

Well this blog was on the track for greatness but might have been derailed a bit. I apologize like I also do for the poor writing and odd subject matter. You, as my reader, are kind of my guinea pig. As I try to complete a screen play it helps to kind of get the word vomit out in a blog and then hone in on the scenes. So you should rally consider yourself lucky then because when I make the big bucks as some writer or comedian I will obviously have to thank you for dredging along in the pre-fame trenches with me:) Does my sarcasm even translate? I know my mom and dad will be honest about that question. Anyways I hope you are all having a great week and I do appreciate you reading this as mundane or strange as it might be.

Until next time,

Amy

"Just Dance, It'll Be OK"

HAPPY EASTER!!!!!!

First off, let me apologize for my last post the writer's block led to a boring and drawn out post. I literally read it a few days ago and thought to my self, "Amy, your post...woof". But I am past that. I would also like to apologize for the lack of posting in the past week. My blogging became something very similar to my dieting. I was super into it then someone poured my a dirty gin martini and all hell broke loose. But, I promise to not let that happen again cause I know my one loyal fan (hey, Len!) was super concerned.

Well, like I said things have been coming up lately and it has been super hard to sit down and blog I have had the worst case of writer's block for two weeks which makes it hard to sell comedic pieces let alone right a piece about my life. The cure that I have found is that when I have crazy fun adventures, I have more to write about, funny how that works out isn't it? Turns out I have had my fair share of infamous explorations in the past two weeks and of course I will spill the beans in a bit but for starters one new current adventure that just started on Wednesday is the fun task of finding a job. As my family and a few of my friends know, I am once again on the hunt for a job. The company I am currently working for is restructuring and I have decided that I don't necessarily fit with the mold they are creating. I honestly wish my boss the best of luck but I have turned in my 3 weeks notice and will be moving on from that position. It is a bit scary but I am looking at it as a fresh start to my life in Chicago. The first few months were definitely hard but my birthday is around the corner and hopefully a new career path isn't too far behind:)

Enough with the mushy, cliche that I always tend to blog about and on to the obscure adventures that I have had. I have decided to share the stories bit by bit and I will try to avoid my wordy and lengthy descriptions so that you're not bored out of your mind and don't develop a twitch from looking at a screen too long. I am going to chronicle one of the strangest nights of my life, consider this a sample of more stories to come.

In the words of Justin Bieber or any white guy trying to be legit "Leggo"

"The Night that the Sprinkler Move Worked":

Last Friday night, the art of pick-up was defied when I busted out the sprinkler move and men flocked. You are probably thinking huh? But seriously it worked and you are about to read an account that will go down in history books as the sole time acting like a sprinkler head (with reverse action, duh) attracted a member of the opposite sex or the same sex if that is how you roll. This particular Friday night I was tricked. My friends had told me that we were going to have a “chill night of hookah and wine”. Thinking calm, I showed up in leggings, a button-up, scarf, and boots while rocking a side braid in a pony and complete with my SAKS satchel (Indiana Jones style). The only way I could have stated “I am uninterested and not looking for anyone tonight” is if was stamped on my forehead. Well, I walked into my friends apartment greeted by skinnies, boots, and tanks and guys in nice denim and classy shirts. I’d been duped and everyone had decided to go out to the bars in Wrigley. At first I was hesitant but 4 glasses of wine later I was leading the charge out the door and out to Wrigley. A few pit stops, one rousing rendition of “C’est la Vie” with the cast of “Jersey Shore: The Musical” and a spontaneous bike ride on a fake bike later led us to a popular watering hole teaming with 20 somethings looking to blow-off the steam of 9-5 livin. By this point all I wanted to do was dance. We got in the bar despite the fact that I looked suspicious cause I was definitely not following the dress code but, I did high five the bouncer and explain I am super nice since I from Minnesota so they let me in. I also shouted "Go Cubs!" which happens to be a crowd pleaser in the Wrigley area. Anyways, l I was surrounded by girls in glam dresses and stilettos and guys that were dressed to the 9s. Yep, I was still in my leggings and button-up. Spotting the dance floor I made a b-line and created that token circle of friends dance party. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a group with a larger guy to girl ratio and thought “hmm I would totally fit in”. I requested the new Bieber song (logically) and slowly moved our group over there with my signature moves. When we complete the ten step journey, for some reason I created a break dance circle by cheering "circle, circle, circle" apparently drunk people love circles. Standing on the edge and anticipating my circle debut I watched as everyone entered and did some grinding dance move, droppin it to the floor and bringing it back up. Missing the cues, when it came to my turn I stepped into the center brought my left arm parallel to the floor put my right hand behind my head and busted out the sprinkler. I was so into it that I even reversed it several times. My finale? The grocery cart. I know one of my friend’s was mortified but to my surprise the guys we had break dance bombed were super into it. 3 came over and started to go fishing and one even did the lawn mower. I was at a loss for words and I am pretty sure their lady friends were just as if not, more confused than me. We continued exchanging strange moves and at one point I awkward middle school danced with one of them but it was hilarious and super fun. One of them had a fidora so I kept my distance from him, but the other two wanted to continue bar hopping with our group as they wondered where we were heading next. The two guys came with us to our last call spot and bought everyone a round of beer. While we were drinking our 312s and playing some mario kart (that is why it is our last call place) I started talking to one of the guys that had joined our group while simultaneously kicking his butt in kart. Turns out he and his friends were looking to just have a chill night too but ended up having an adventure of their own. Apparently they liked the sprinkler because in his words “you can’t take life seriously”. I still don’t know what exactly he meant by that and maybe I will find out shortly but he is right I may have felt uncomfortable but it was such a fun night and one that we have certainly talked about a few times. Turns out, no matter what you’re wearing you just need to be yourself, put on a smile, yell out a crowd pleaser, and bust a move. Like Lady Gaga says “just dance, it’ll be ok”.

Sorry, I really struggled with ending that story. I really need to work on that... Anyways that night turned out to be awesome and I can guarantee there are some better adventures ahead. You might not think of it as a crazy one but for me that night happened in the midst of me finding out about company restructuring and hearing about bad news involving a dear friend. I was mad at first that my friends tricked me but sometimes your friends know what is best for you, next time they say chill though I am going to rock my little black dress and stilettos never can be too careful:)

I hope you have all had a wonderful Holiday and I promise it won’t be long til my next post and I super promise that my next post won’t be this long.

Until Next Time,

Amy

"Keep Your Head Up"

I have legitimately tried to write this blog about 4 times and I just cannot seem to get my thoughts out. But being the norse that I am, I am going to just let it spew out and I apologize for what you're about to read. Hopefully though you can look past it, I mean we have all had our case of writer's block whether it be on a 20 page paper or a 140 character tweet (don't forget to follow me on twitter @amyireneb, ha shameless plug).

Anyways the past week has been a whirl wind and it has caused me to go through a phase of doubt which is just the worst, just the pits. It all started when I was called in to meet with a booking agent about being added to an open list for their venue. I thought it was just me performing a set and showing him what I had in my arsenal but it turned out to be somewhat of a battle between me and 2 other girls. The booking agent then informed us that female comedians are the new thing within the world of comedy and the guy was looking for a certain package that he wanted to sell. Unfortunately my brunette hair and slightly awkward disposition wasn't what he was looking for although he did tell me that a "tall, lean, dirty joke telling, brunette is a rarity" so I guess that could be considered a win? Well, needless to say the cab ride home was more like a ride on the crazy train. I spent the whole time wondering what I could have done better, did I deliver wrong? Should I have worn something less sun dressy and more night clubby? Should I have left my hair down? I was then checking my phone to see if my mentor and other booking agents were responding to the defeated messages I had left them. I had become "that"girl and it is not a fun time being that "girl". I was so worried about everything and a lot of the things were not even in my realm of control. Yes, I could have performed different material or altered my appearance but if I make it in this business I want to make it as myself and not anyone else which is super cliche and lets face it, nearly impossible. At the end of the day although I may not be able to pull off awkward and quirky as well as Zooey Deschanel, I am not her anyways. I would also like to say between you and me, she may be better at singing about random objects and crafting talking sticks but I think my dance moves are better, I mean the janky (not stanky) leg will totally be a classic someday and I have an excellent step-ball-change and sprinkler combo, watch out world!

I guess that all I am trying to get at is that sometimes you fall down on your ass but you just have to get back up. Yeah, it stinks to get passed over but this past weekend I got to perform the longest set I have ever done and I got asked back to be a regular and the venue is actually a little more my speed. I would be lying to myself and all of you if I said that I will not worry about things because it is human nature to worry but I will try to not become a frequent rider of the crazy train express. Sure, I am a born people pleaser and I enjoy knowing where I stand with people but I can't make everyone happy, I can only worry about myself at this point which is a lot easier said than done but oh well I will as a drunk once said "keep on, keepin' on, keepin' keep" the words may have been slurred but the wisdom was clear and Andy Grammer fo sho nails it on the head when he says that you just "gotta keep your head up, so you can let your hair down" or in my case occasionally wearing it up depending on the crowd...

Well, if you have made it through this entire post, I applaud you because it kind of took some weird turns and doesn't completely make sense but does anything I am doing right now make sense? Not really. If you're totally thinking to yourself "man, what the heck is this girl even saying?" then good question cause I am still trying to figure that out as well but sometimes like dr. seuss says "be who you are and say what you feel because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter". Living in Chicago and trying to make it as a comedian, I surround myself in a judgemental environment but at the same time Chicago is a place where you can get away with just about anything. I mean the half buzzed hair doo is really starting to take off and I don't ever think I will understand that trend similar to scrunchies and wearing matching outfits with my American Girl doll, really?! She is a doll. Sorry, I digress. On virtually every street corner there is someone not really caring about what people think as they pour their soul out in a song or attempt to break the mold by playing the diggeridoo(sp?) with their nose (super unsanitary by the way) and I am going to take my cue from them. Sometimes you have to stop worrying and start living and that is just what I am going to do.

Until Next Time,

Amy

PS: it is completely fine to be worried in legitimate situations which include: riding any public transportation after midnight, knife fights with sabers, and eating pop rocks then chugging soda.

"Don't Worry, Be Happy"

Dreams, everyone has them. I know that I've had my fair share from desperately wanting to be a princess as an imaginative five year old to hoping I would be a nurse anesthetist my freshman year of college. The neat thing about dreams is that they constantly evolve, some of them are fleeting hopes and others last forever. For example, I never became a princess and I am still waiting for my Hogwarts acceptance letter (I don't think it helps that my apartment lacks a fireplace) and I ended up graduating as an English major(which you might find hard to believe for my punctuation and grammatical errors please forgive me...sorry Mrs. D). Currently however, I have the dream of becoming a comedian and that is what actually has brought me to the Big Windy. As some of you know, I had an anonymous blog for awhile which highlighted my forays as a college senior. I spoke about everything from heartbreak to accidentally eating pot brownies but I have decided to transition to a blog that isn't as anonymous with the hopes that I can not only keep my parents informed (hi mom and dad) but also my friends and potentially some strangers who wander onto this blog. Some people will find this boring and that is completely legit but hopefully people are able to relate a little bit because it turns out we all have to wade through this crazy thing called life.

Moving to Chicago is by far one of the most bonkers things I have done. I literally went to my parents with the idea of attending comedy school and they told me I had to get a job. So, I got a job, graduated, worked at the most amazing place for the summer cough* (Camp Knutson) cough*, and moved to Chicago. At the time of my move I was eager to get to the big city and be on my way but recently reality has been slapping me back in the face. I would be completely lying if I said everything has been easy and the Band Perry would probably write a song about me (free shot of crown if you got that country reference, which reminds me I still owe Ally for completing a tweet of mine when I first moved here, haven't forgotten Ally!) There have been days where I have utterly wanted to quit and move back home. Thank goodness for the immense support of family and friends, you know who you are:) and new friends in Chicago. One of the lessons I have learned while living here so far is that moving to a city where you don't know a single soul makes life a little harder. The first night after my dad drove away I had a choice to make, do I stay in my apartment by myself on a Friday night and enjoy some netflix? Or, do I go out to a bar, all by myself. I surprised myself and decided to go out to the bar in the basement of my building and one down the street. It was terrifying, I didn't know what I was getting myself into and lets be honest, I was used to wearing just some skinnies and a tank top to club Scoe's in Decorah, not the dressed to the nines, dress, boots, and blazer look to knock back a few, which I admit I have started to wear...sorry. I trekked down to the bar in my basement and ordered a 312. I am pretty sure I stuck out like a sore thumb for awhile, I mean who goes to a bar by themselves? Well everything turned out just fine, I actually talked to a few people who invited me to join in their dart game and I also met the guy who would become my comedic partner. I guess what I am getting at is that sometimes the hardest things to do are the best choices for you. I still constantly struggle with my move to Chicago. Don't get me wrong, I love it here but I also have built up a life back home and it has been hard to have the familiarity shattered. I have always been lucky to have my routine and the ability to go virtually next door to hang out with my closest friends. To go to their dorm rooms when I needed them or even drive the 2.5 hours back home when I needed some good old fashioned Luana cooking. Now I have to be creative and schedule times to talk with my friends and plan weeks in advance to book a flight home. Sometimes though, these are the sacrifices we have to make.

My priorities have always been my family and friends and I honestly don't think that will ever change but there are times you have to follow your dreams and right now I need to follow mine. Gosh I totally sound cliche and for that I am deeply apologetic.

Anyways, I guess I am just trying to reach out to the people who are in the midst of a transition, it is perfectly fine to have your moments of weakness but don't forget your victories however small they may be. A few weeks ago I was feeling down cause a booking agent kept passing me over for a more seasoned comedian (I don't blame him) but then when I needed it most, I got an email that I had sold 2 sketches. I may not have made a ton of money off of them and I don't think they were even used but it was a small success in this crazy little journey. The past two weeks have been really rough but that is just how the cookie crumbles. Not only do I have amazing friends and family (I don't think I can say this enough) but, I have many things to be thankful for (including this gorgeous weather). I gave myself a year to try it out here and will be going through my first audition on April 25th and will know by the time my lease is up in November whether or not I can make it as a comedian and even if that doesn't work out, I am submitting a screenplay to an agency hopefully in May. I will most definitely still have my days where I want to quit and go home but I will also have days where I revel in the triumphs whether that be scoring an audition or performing a 10 minute set for a completely drunk audience at 11:30 pm (happened, and they were my best crowd, liquor helps) but at least I am trying. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, but I think at this point I just need to take life by the horns and live without holding back. I am 22 and already have regrets which I find a little sad, and I know I am not the only one. Life is no fun to look back on and think about the should-ah, would-ah, could-ahs. I have decided to adopt this for my various facets and I am pleased to find out that most of my friends and my whole family are embracing it and helping me out. If it weren't for them, I honestly don't know if I could do this.

Gosh I am so sorry that this has been the cheesiest post ever and I hope that I have some more interesting ones as I continue this nutso life choice I have made. Also, please don't judge me if I don't make it as a comedian because I very well might not. If is the case then, I will fully pursue the writing aspect with a screenplay and will definitely write you in as an unlikable Steve Buscemi character (he is probably a super nice guy but he always plays the creeps) and even if that doesn't work out, it might pop on the interwebs or those youtubes. Anyways hopefully ya come back when I post again and if ya don't good luck to you in whatever the dreams you choose to pursue. I hope you just keep the promise that I have made to let yourself be happy because you never really know how long the happiness might last before you find something else that brings you joy.

Until Next Time,

Amy