"Let Me See That Thong"

This is week is a Minnesota sandwich week having just returned from a visit this morning for work and returning again this weekend for a concert. I can not tell you how much I love being home. Not only do I get to see my family and friends but my mom buys me shoes and dresses and I get free food. This weekend was especially awesome because I got to share some great news! I know I tweeted about it but trying to express what exactly is happening in 140 characters is a little tricky and although I love twitter I also feel ridiculous with all of my tweet bombs. Anyways here goes, I have been asked to audition for a improv troupe. I will be flying to LA and then potentially off to New York to meet with the two directors, go over some pieces, perform a little and possibly meet some of the other people auditioning. The troupe (which I can't name on here) is looking to start a group in Chicago. If I were to get this then I would not have to work because it would be a full-time job and I would maybe have the opportunity to tour around the nation. Basically it is a pretty sweet deal and I am obviously very excited. I know it is a long shot but it is worth it. I really only have until November to gauge whether or not this comedy thing is happening so I hope it all works out! This gig would also be golden because this is the only troupe that the players write AND perform everything. Typically improv groups have writers that write everything and some that perform as well but the two occupations are usually separate. Anyways, I would love to write and have been working on a screen play and many sketches so to be a part of this particular group who has launched many careers would be amaze-balls! Yep, I did just say amaze-balls, sorry that I am not sorry.

Alright back to a real story now that is out of the way how about a little re-telling that my mom particularly enjoyed this weekend that relates back to that early millienium Sisqo song (whatever happened to him?) Anyways I really feel like all the ladies will relate to me on this one. Have you ever noticed that your most embarrassing moments happen when there is an extremely good looking person present? I have. I've fallen down the stairs at a party only to land at the feet of my biggest crush, I have accidentally choked on sushi in front of a visiting performer at school, I recently fell of the bus when I missed the curb and the next GQ model was right behind me. But, out all of these finer moments, there is one that consistently happens and it always occurs in the laundry room. The little secrets that Victoria tries to keep have a funny way of causing that blotchy, red look of embarrassment anytime I do laundry in the presence of a hunk.

It all started in what I like to call, the "one-butt laundry room". Although charming, the laundry room of my building is tiny it has a walk way to the washers that can comfortably fit half of a person and a wall of dryers that leaves a corridor with enough room for a toddler. This particular evening I had decided to do some laundry (my name is Amy and I love stating the obvious). Thinking the coast was clear I thought I will do that awkward load of delicates. I had successfully loaded them into the washer without any issues but the trouble came when I switched them to the dryer. Of course, the most handsome man was doing his laundry at the same exact time. I walked down in my standard yoga gear to make the switch and right as I am carrying over the delicates to place in the dryer, hot guy decides to talk to me. It might have been his dreamy-ocean eyes or the fact that he was talking to me but I completely lost my composure. I missed the hole (that's what he said) of the dryer and Victoria's secret was all over and obviously dreamboat chose to put his items in the dryer right below mine because that is the clear choice when 6 other dryers are open. This man must thrive on awkward situations. Not only did he find out that "I Love Pink" (I will never understand this, it says "I Love Pink" on every color, if I were color blind I would be so confused) but that I also enjoy neon colors and I tend to stay away from granny panties. This guy saw literally all of my undergarments, I apologize for TMI. What made it even more awkward is that one of my finer pieces landed on his back as well as he tried to help me pick them up. I know that is a gentlemanly move but it is my underwear! Needless to say I was making quite the impression and Amy's secret was out.

I got back to my apartment and tried to laugh it off (yep, I was that girl laughing to myself...by myself in my apartment) but I was legitimately bright red. Not only did he see all of my underwear it happened while I was straight-up sporting a bun on my head, a neon sport bra and cut off combo and yoga-capris with wait for it, Minnetonka Mocassins. Basically I looked similar to an extra on "Saved By the Bell". I composed myself in the 50 minutes I had before the load was done and made my return to the laundry room and was greeted once again by the incredible hunk. He struck up another conversation about the bright colors he noticed I liked as well as just general questions about my life, he was actually pretty nice but I was still soooooo embarrassed. After unloading and heading back upstairs I thought the embarrassment was over...is it ever? Nope. As I was folding my clean clothing and sorting everything I heard a knock on my door. Who was it? Hottie McSexy pants whose name is James and what was he holding? One of my precious pairs of panties (I hate that word). Yep, James had realized that during the initial drop, one of my barely-there undies had fallen into his dryer. What a nice surprise for him when he realized the Twins themed, rhinestoned, "Hit a Home run!" piece did in fact not belong to him. My face was burning up and besides profusely thanking him I did not know what else to say. He was very nice about the whole thing and i know some of you are probably thinking that this is no big deal but to me it was. He smiled handed me the thong and said, "Twins fan huh?" to which I obviously responded "Go Twins! I have to support my MN covertly while living here". He chuckled a little then headed back to his place. I once again was mortified. This meant he had to ask the doorman who I was and get directed to my apartment which meant my doorman now knew a little too much.

The story does not stop there. As I was returning from work the following day I ran into James. He smiled and told me that I clean up well (what does that even mean?) He then actually asked me if I wanted to grab some frozen yogurt. This may seem odd but there is the best frozen yogurt a block away and it is Chicago famous ha so I accepted and frozen yogurt led to a happy hour drink or two. Turns out he is nice and notified me that he felt bad if I was flustered by the incident as well as he wanted to assure me that he didn't ask me out because he had seen my panties. He asked me to dinner and although he is ridiculously good looking I politely declined. I mean what is the policy on dating someone that lives in your building? Also, he knows too much. Besides, I may seem superficial but it is not only about the good looks for me!

Well this blog was on the track for greatness but might have been derailed a bit. I apologize like I also do for the poor writing and odd subject matter. You, as my reader, are kind of my guinea pig. As I try to complete a screen play it helps to kind of get the word vomit out in a blog and then hone in on the scenes. So you should rally consider yourself lucky then because when I make the big bucks as some writer or comedian I will obviously have to thank you for dredging along in the pre-fame trenches with me:) Does my sarcasm even translate? I know my mom and dad will be honest about that question. Anyways I hope you are all having a great week and I do appreciate you reading this as mundane or strange as it might be.

Until next time,

Amy