Anyways the past week has been a whirl wind and it has caused me to go through a phase of doubt which is just the worst, just the pits. It all started when I was called in to meet with a booking agent about being added to an open list for their venue. I thought it was just me performing a set and showing him what I had in my arsenal but it turned out to be somewhat of a battle between me and 2 other girls. The booking agent then informed us that female comedians are the new thing within the world of comedy and the guy was looking for a certain package that he wanted to sell. Unfortunately my brunette hair and slightly awkward disposition wasn't what he was looking for although he did tell me that a "tall, lean, dirty joke telling, brunette is a rarity" so I guess that could be considered a win? Well, needless to say the cab ride home was more like a ride on the crazy train. I spent the whole time wondering what I could have done better, did I deliver wrong? Should I have worn something less sun dressy and more night clubby? Should I have left my hair down? I was then checking my phone to see if my mentor and other booking agents were responding to the defeated messages I had left them. I had become "that"girl and it is not a fun time being that "girl". I was so worried about everything and a lot of the things were not even in my realm of control. Yes, I could have performed different material or altered my appearance but if I make it in this business I want to make it as myself and not anyone else which is super cliche and lets face it, nearly impossible. At the end of the day although I may not be able to pull off awkward and quirky as well as Zooey Deschanel, I am not her anyways. I would also like to say between you and me, she may be better at singing about random objects and crafting talking sticks but I think my dance moves are better, I mean the janky (not stanky) leg will totally be a classic someday and I have an excellent step-ball-change and sprinkler combo, watch out world!
I guess that all I am trying to get at is that sometimes you fall down on your ass but you just have to get back up. Yeah, it stinks to get passed over but this past weekend I got to perform the longest set I have ever done and I got asked back to be a regular and the venue is actually a little more my speed. I would be lying to myself and all of you if I said that I will not worry about things because it is human nature to worry but I will try to not become a frequent rider of the crazy train express. Sure, I am a born people pleaser and I enjoy knowing where I stand with people but I can't make everyone happy, I can only worry about myself at this point which is a lot easier said than done but oh well I will as a drunk once said "keep on, keepin' on, keepin' keep" the words may have been slurred but the wisdom was clear and Andy Grammer fo sho nails it on the head when he says that you just "gotta keep your head up, so you can let your hair down" or in my case occasionally wearing it up depending on the crowd...
Well, if you have made it through this entire post, I applaud you because it kind of took some weird turns and doesn't completely make sense but does anything I am doing right now make sense? Not really. If you're totally thinking to yourself "man, what the heck is this girl even saying?" then good question cause I am still trying to figure that out as well but sometimes like dr. seuss says "be who you are and say what you feel because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter". Living in Chicago and trying to make it as a comedian, I surround myself in a judgemental environment but at the same time Chicago is a place where you can get away with just about anything. I mean the half buzzed hair doo is really starting to take off and I don't ever think I will understand that trend similar to scrunchies and wearing matching outfits with my American Girl doll, really?! She is a doll. Sorry, I digress. On virtually every street corner there is someone not really caring about what people think as they pour their soul out in a song or attempt to break the mold by playing the diggeridoo(sp?) with their nose (super unsanitary by the way) and I am going to take my cue from them. Sometimes you have to stop worrying and start living and that is just what I am going to do.
Until Next Time,
Amy
PS: it is completely fine to be worried in legitimate situations which include: riding any public transportation after midnight, knife fights with sabers, and eating pop rocks then chugging soda.
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